Guess i'm a lil pass-doo on a update,......Christ knows theres enough to say,....but,...eh,....i've been hecka lazy i guess,.....and the situation kinda bums me as it is,.......except when i pull my tarded-self together and just say eff-it,...but heres my long over do (and just plain long, i won't read it) story i would like to call:
"Jaymie in Legal-Land"
PART 1: "Where to start,...hummmm"
Okay,......as most of u know, i had a warrent (for skipping the last court date i was scheduled after i got arrested for this in the frist place in Aug. i think) and since the begaining on last Oct. hav been outta jail, Was there for only a week and a half, but goddamn it sucked!!! thankfully mom and dad bailed me out (after alot of collect calls of course. and saying the words "i'll pay you back")
And while we're on this "Bail" subject, i wanna say THANK YOU to my friend Casey, who,when he found out i was pinned up, called EVERYONE we know and tried to get money together for me,....funny (not really though) part was, he thought it was $2,000,...he didnt understand w/ a bonds-men i coulda got out for $200, even-after he called the jail house asking about it, i'd figoure the office people they woulda mentioned something,....but.....haha,.....my luck, huh.........And after a couple people heard it was only $200, they were like "ohhhh,....well shit"......but,...it all worked out,.....and i hav some memories i'll never forget from that place.....plus i stole the flip-flops :-)
PART 2: "Jaym's Court-Room Exstravoganza"
Alas, that brings us here,.....i was quitely (yeah right) awaiting my court date (which was 10/31...spooooky)....and THX to mom and dad getting me out when they did, i might hav actually had to sit in jail untill the 31st (gay).......and just to get this out now,.... i am Offically on Probation, thx to ol Captian Cankles,......granted yes,...won't hav happened if i didn't punch him,.....BUT,.......always more to the story,......sure everyone knows that one (and/or has been there).....That whole relationship was a train-reck to begain with,......But at least i'm man enough (i said it) to acknowledge my mistakes, and fix em'.......yeh, put that in ur pipe and smoke it.
But,...heres the run down of that lame-o Halloween i had,......1:30, i went to court, my buddies Bryant and Jenn were w/ me and mom to keep me in "good-spirits".....which worked, and i love the piss outta both of them for it, Went in the Court room,....didn't even look around, didn't really want to,....and we all just sat at the last row......and after a few minutes of just sitting there bullshitting w/ everyone....(Me, Jenn, Mom, and Bryant) i didnt notice at frist,....then Jenn was like, "Dude,........thats fucking Chris".....My frist thought when i looked over was "Jesus H Christ, Fucking figours"....then after i look agein i noticed something....and i couldn't help it,....i leaned over (course not thinking,......i never do,...one'a my faults and my charming points i think) and said "Dude! Chris!....you got Fat!!!"....which is true, ya know,.....that boy got friggin' HUGE!!!....And i think im letting myself go, Shessssh!!! (do i sound like a bitter ex-lover yet, Hahaha!)........and get this,.....he jumped at me, made me actually flinch, im serius! Damn near screamed "You are not to speak to me!!!!" then jumped up hella fast and grab some gaurd and said,...."This girl is NOT to speak to me".........then damn near ran to the top of the court room,.....i mean shit,...did i tap a nerve? i was just playing (kinda) i didn't think he'd act that much like a little Lady (i'll call him lil Miss if i ever see him agein,...he kinda deserves it after that move he made),...almost thought he was gonna start crying like Nancey Caragan,.........but it gave us all a laugh, even my Mother, i think she dug the whole "you got fat!" thing, i think she wanted to say the same thing herself actually......so it worked out,.......Hell, after he moved away she was whispering things to me like,...."u know, when u go up there, if u need me to, i'll tell the judge about how he used to scream at you all the time and how posessive he was...." and so on and so on,.....i almost thought she was more Bitter towards him then i was.
and so we were sitting there,....and sitting there,.....and Finally i got called up.
And i reammber mom pulling me aside as i got up,....she was all "Don't even look at anyone, look steright forward and look right at the judge" basically telling me to not give anyone any kinda satisfaction of letting them think i was bummed, or gave any kinda damn about them in anyway shape or form (bitterness, lonlyness, hate, pick you poison).....i kinda gave her the derp face and thought "would i do anything eles" i didn't wanna lock eyes w/ anyone, (maybe jason, cause he's one of the awesomest people ever, but i figoured i'd proably talk to him so other day, and today wasn't the day, even though we already made ameds and i let him know im doing better, and im glad he is too) i just wanted to show i was there, i was fine, and whatever the fudge happens happens and i'll take it lika trooper, cause it wasn't what i was there to act like, it was the truth (look at me trying to sound all tough, cute ain't it, cause i think everyone knows i'm the biggest cream puff they'll ever meet,....or at least those of you that know me anyways i should say, i've heard otherwise.....some people huh)
but,....i got called up there,...my public-defender already talked to me about what we were gonna do,....so i just grinned and nodded,....sounded good to me,.....i'm not used to all this court shit,.....never been,......but what he told me we should do was pull a plea agreement, and what he told me would happen is exactly what happen (but i'll get to that)......but.....i hoofed my ass up there and stood in front of ol' Judge Brown,.....
And for the record,....i've heard,....NOTHING....but horror storied about this man,...even from my frist Public-Defender to the people i was in POD 14/row B with (when i was number 15,....yep, still reammber). Basically he's the head DV judge here in the "Tah" and he's looking to get re-elected....so the more "bad-awfull-mad trashers of the inocent" he puts away the better it looks for him (and that so me,....i burn ophanages in the night, let me tell ya)....i was told i would get screamed at and preached at out the ass........but it didnt work like that,....i even went up there w/ a stiff upper lip excepting it (when people yell at me, i cry, it's the law of nature)....
One thing he did do though,......was accuse me of being on drugs (lil crappy).....i answered some of his questions,....one of them was "are you on Medication"...i said yea,...cause i am on Effexor (which just so happens to be this med that makes ur pupils very....very big,.....deer in head lights kinda big, plus when ur nervous that just kinda happens ethier way i hear).....then he said, "so ur not on anything kinda drugs right now"......"No, sir, i'm not"......"but i do stand before you with very dry balls, ur honor, you should make this lil homo behind me be the lil prancer he is and do something about it"......god i wanted to say that,......but thats another story (plus i watch to much TV)
PART 3: "Peeing in Front of Someone Sux"
.....Long story short,.....(to late?)...he sat me back down and made me drop an on the spot piddle test,.....got taken to a room and this women walked right in the potty w/ me,....."wo..." kinda my frist thought,........*sigh* get ready for this....sad thing was, i didnt hav to pee......but i did hav to fart......reaaalllll bad.......so of course,......im trying to force it, cause i wanted outta there,.....and when you force one thing,.....u force another,....another law of nature (hey im being honest! Go fuck urself!).....i chuckled about it.....least the chick was cool though,....if i cracked a joke, she cracked one right back w/ me,.....even when i was done, i walked out and said,....."damn, thought i was about to give birth in there" "No no no,...we need pee, not babies...." Cracked me up,......and yes, i peed clean,....Jenn even pulled Bry aside and asked him if he got me high before i showed up,.....ye o'lil faith, mine Freak.......guess ol' girl knows me too well though,.......
Part 4: "Back to the Room of Happy Fun-Times"
And thats exactly what it was,.....the only hint of life (granted, yeah its a court room, kinda subpost to be a crap place to be) in there was me,....course,...and the 2 freaks chuckling about whatever they could in the back. To me Laughing at Chris's weight to another comment i made that made Jennifer piss the floor (i didn't think it was that funny) but apparently how steright forward and the tone in my voice was hafe of it. But when i got back up there in front of him,.....i did the whole bid,...eye contact, respectful look towrds him, nod and say yes sir,......BUT....i did burst out with what i was talking about earlier (what made Jenn start cacklin').....i told him....."for the record ur honor, this guy sells marijauna, and....something something something......" forgot the rest of it, but i defentlly was gonna try and put humpty dumpty on the hot seat,.....cause it was outta his juristdiction....blah blah blah,.....something along those lines,......OH YEAH!......i reammber, i was pissed i had to drop a pee test, cause unlike the piece of lard behind me,...i knew damn well i wasn't on anything,.....when i can garanttee to this day he was proably high as a kite,....and if they were gonna try and bust me w/ something,...least they could do is make it worth there effing time, ya know!......but,....my mature (aka non-exsistit side) likes to kick it, this was about me,...not him,.....i guess i could hav said something like, "ur honor, i'll feel uncomfertable if this indivdual attempts to make a statement about me, knowing he's under the influnce,"......but......Blah Blah Blah,.....he never even attempted too anyways,....i think the judge even asked him if he would like too,......some bullshit came flying out his month, didnt realize it was him talking (or said that) till Jenn was making fun of it earlier,........"oh thats what that was....all i heard was double chins flapping."....wow thats petty!
...........................
Okay, I'll finish the rest of my "sage"......my very boring, long "sage"......tomarrow,........
G'Night
No comments:
Post a Comment